Parents of FHU student who died are now managers of his residence hall

HENDERSON-Papa Bill and Mama Lo. That's how students who live in Farrow Hall, a men's dormitory at Freed-Hardeman University, greet dorm supervisor Bill Mays and his wife, Lois.

Many of them crowded around the couple Thursday morning in the dorm's lounge while playing pingpong, talking about the dorm's NCAA men's basketball bracket, and sharing what they love about the Mays.

"Mommy Lo is what I call her," said sophomore Mike Milligan. "She makes the best cake in the world. I call it Heaven on Earth. She and Papa Bill take good care of us."

The Mays went from having one son to 115 since becoming dorm parents at Farrow, where their son, Bobby, lived for about two years as a FHU student. In 2007, the couple quit their jobs in Florida to move to the school that loved Bobby just as much as he loved it, Lois said.

In December 2002 during Bobby's sophomore year, he died in a car accident on his way home to Florida for winter break. Bobby, who was 20, fell asleep while driving.

His car skidded off the highway and hit a tree. He was about 50 miles away from their home off the coast of Clearwater, Fla.

"He had been driving for 16 hours, and it was raining hard," Lois said. "We told him to stop and stay at a hotel, but he said he was wide awake and that he could make it. I kept calling him every 30 minutes to make sure he was OK. We talked at 5 a.m., and when I called back, the phone just rang and rang."

A year after Bobby's death, the school dedicated a playground in his name. The Mays then started a scholarship for FHU student ambassadors, an a cappella Christian music group that Bobby was heavily involved in.

To raise money for the scholarship program, students organized an annual benefit that includes a silent auction. The event, which is in its third year, is scheduled for Saturday at FHU.

"As soon as Bobby died, the school and his classmates wanted to do something to remember him," Lois said. "He was such a great personality at Freed."

The last time the Mays saw Bobby alive was in November 2002. He was home for Thanksgiving. They still remember a conversation they had with him about his desire to create a scholarship fund for the student ambassadors. Members of the group often traveled around Tennessee and out of state to perform at different churches and conferences and had to pay for many of the trips on their own.

"When he told me he wanted to start a scholarship program, I asked him if he was going to be rich one day," Lois said. "He told me that he understood if there's something he didn't like, he could change it. He left the next day, and I never saw him again."

Bill said about 30 minutes after receiving word of Bobby's death, Lois called former FHU president Milton Sewell. She told him what happened to Bobby and asked for his help with organizing a scholarship fund for the ambassadors. The Mays said they wanted to see their son's goal become a reality.

"There will not be another group of ambassadors without scholarships," Lois said. "Our goal is to one day be able to pay their full tuition."

Making the move

When Bobby died, Bill said there was a tremendous void in his life.

"I missed having him to talk to, to watch sports with, just to do things that guys do together," Bill said. "I wanted to be reminded of him daily, and I was finding it more difficult as time passed after his death. I never felt closer to Bobby than I did when visiting FHU's campus. This was his playground."

When a position for a dorm supervisor opened in the hall where Bobby used to live, Lois told Bill about it. Bill, who worked with the Coca Cola Company for 29 years, said the opportunity pulled at his heart. He and Lois spent 20 years working with high school and college students at their church in Florida.

"Our home was always full of young people," Bill said. "It was one of the things our children loved about their upbringing. Becoming dorm parents was the perfect way for us to serve FHU. We were experienced at it.

"The posting led me to believe that someone was trying to tell me that it was time for us to make our move," he said. "Bobby was always encouraging us to move to Henderson. It only seemed natural that my wife and I should serve the institution that served our son so well."

Lois said when her husband was offered the job, she saw a sparkle in his eyes that had been missing since their son's death.

"It was like the old Bill Mays again," Lois said.

Bill made the move to Henderson first and Lois came a few months later, leaving her job as an administrator with a Florida public school.

Lois' first day at the college was one that she said she would never forget. A group of students who lived in the dorm had been on a mission trip in the Dominican Republic and one of them drowned on the last day of their trip.

"The day I got there, they were coming back from that trip having seen their friend drift off," Lois said. "I remember Bill telling me that 'Our boys have witnessed something terrible and they're going to need us.' After Bobby's death, I always thought I needed comfort, but all that changed the minute I stepped on that campus, and I began to comfort these young men.

"I realized I could make a difference in their lives," she said. "I can help them with their faith because I've seen tragedy in my life and still walk with God. I completely understand why we're here. Some of them will talk to us and wonder why bad things happen to good people. I tell them it's because we can survive it."

The Mays, who counsel and cook for the students and sometimes read over their school papers, agree their job is an important one.

Sophomore Brandon Day lived in the hall where the Mays worked last year. He lived somewhere else last fall but it didn't compare to living in the same building as the Mays.

"There wasn't another option as far as living at Freed," Day said.

Cody Boston, a freshman at FHU, said the Mays have made the dorm into a family.

"Anytime we have any kind of problem, they're always willing to talk to us," he said.

Sometimes the Mays stay up as late as 4 a.m. bonding with the students.

"I used to get up for work at 4:30 a.m.," Bill said. "Now I go to bed at that time. The nightlife in Farrow is my favorite part of the day."

Lois said many students from other dorms enjoy hanging out in their hall.

She doesn't miss living in Florida, especially since their daughter, who graduated from FHU, also lives in Henderson and recently had her second child. They've taken their oldest grandchild to Bobby Mays Memorial Playground at FHU.

"It's really neat to take her there," Lois said. "We're so happy here. Although I grew up on the beach, and my husband was an avid fisherman in Florida, we don't miss it. That sparkle he had when Bobby was here is back, and it's bigger than ever."

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- Ashley Anthony, (731) 425-9631